February 2025

School Counselors are the Connection

Sarah Eder, School Counselor, Hurley Elementary

Communicate and Connect. Build relationships. These catch phrases are quickly saturating our staff emails and team meetings as well as being fodder for social media reel mockery. Soon we will have our next acronym to implement and soon building relationships will find its place with rigor in the buzzword archives. School counselors know better than to think of communication, connection, and building relationships as the “it” focus of the moment.  We are working hard to make sure each student is seen and feels heard because relationships truly are the foundation of our work. A connection isn’t guaranteed by having a child in your class or on your caseload. I challenge you to engage each student by name when you pass them in the hallway; high fives, fist bumps, special handshakes, whatever gesture it is that leaves the door open to engage with the student. For my elementary colleagues, we learn their favorite color, food, character, and animal. Older students can be trickier, but we are the masters of connection! Pets, siblings, games, sports, shoes, employment, food, hobbies; not every conversation needs to be an intervention, and prevention can be something as simple as giving a compliment. Be the smiling face a student in crisis remembers when they need help or encouragement.

ASCA Mindsets and Behaviors have communication and connection embedded in the standards. Without these core abilities learning, self-management, and social skills are impossible. School counselors are on the front lines of developing these abilities in students and are often their bridge between teachers and administration. Behavior is communication whether it is positive or negative, and school counselors are often looking to provide insight to those working with students. Teaching students how to communicate their needs in a safe and healthy way is imperative to help nurture the connections between those students, their peers, and staff.  Modeling communication and connection in the ways I previously mentioned are the most basic way to teach positive interactions and how to build positive relationships.

I know being the eternal ray of sunshine in your school is harder than anyone other than your fellow school counselors can understand. However, when you are having a day where the clouds are overcoming your positivity, the connections you have made will almost always deliver the pick-me-up you need. I will leave you with a personal example that I will always go back to in reinforcement of building relationships as more than just a current trend. I try really hard to greet each child by name, tell them to have a great day, or that I’m glad to see them. I always say hello and call them by name when I pass them in the hallway. Do they all answer me? No.  I would say 85% say, “Hi, Mrs. Eder” and about 40% of those ask for a hug in passing because elementary kiddos are all about the connection. Another example of a student connection happened after I suddenly lost my dog in December. He was very special to me and the days after he passed away I had a really hard time bringing the joy to the surface at school. A student who doesn’t always answer when I greet them stopped me and asked me if I was okay. I let myself explain why I was out of sorts and they told me “it’s okay not to be okay all the time, remember? That’s what you tell us, silly”! I told them that sometimes I need reminders too and thanked them for checking on me. My connection with that student wasn’t visible to me prior to this interaction. Keep throwing out rainbows and positive energy. Be the model of good communication! School counselors are the connection all students need.